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Because they feel anxious, they’re highly motivated to get control of their world. But when this becomes troublesome and destructive is when the need for control becomes global, and the high-maintenance person believes they have a right to critique and control multiple areas–or even every area–of your life.Ĭontrolling people actually have a high level of unconscious anxiety that influences everything they do. It’s irritating for your spouse to be controlling in one area or another–after all, every one of us has some quirky part of our life that we feel compelled to control. They have more energy for these matters than most people, and they’re going to make sure you know it. They are convinced that things like routine tasks should be done a certain way, and that their way is the only right way to accomplish those things. We like to refer to critical people as “control freaks” or “high-maintenance people.” Control freaks are compelled to critique every little thing you do it seems like they believe their spiritual gift is to point out what’s wrong with you at every turn.Ĭontrol freaks care more about some things than anybody else does, and they won’t stop pushing and nagging until they get their way. Criticism can easily break a servant heart, and that’s a terrible place to be in your marriage. It’s demoralizing to be treated this way when you’re doing your best to make a contribution and add value to your relationship…but you get criticized instead of appreciated. Nobody enjoys being criticized or picked apart, but it’s especially painful when your spouse–your soul mate–is the one being critical and hurtful to you. Few things will shut down intimacy quite like being criticized or controlled, and it is capable of immobilizing your emotional health and personal growth, especially within your relationship. “People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.” – Gary ChapmanĬriticism is an insidious behavior that comes into our marriage and eats at the core of our identity.

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